I spent the majority of my high school years home sick. I hated it, and though I recovered to live a normal life, I was usually plagued with nagging health issues. Most of the time that never stopped me, but in the back of my head I was always afraid high school would happen again. And then it did.
When I became quite ill about a year ago and things did not rectify quickly, I was living my worst fear. Illness was again controlling my life. I had days that were really difficult. Days when I did not want to get out of bed. Days where anxiety was overbearing; I worried I would never feel better, that I could not handle the situation.
I was reminded every day I woke up of what was going on: the blurred vision when I opened my eyes was hard to ignore. I was struggling with the situation when one of my health care professionals told me that I needed to make a choice. When I woke up and things were blurry, I needed to CHOOSE not to ignore it but to “step over” it and into my day. It was hearing that simple sentence, that simple decision, that helped me start to have better days and accept the current situation.
Fear can be paralyzing. We’ve all seen it happen to many people, for many reasons, in many different ways. Fear can control your life. And as John Meyer says “Fear is a friend who’s misunderstood.” Fear can make you forget the good things in your life, those moments to be grateful. It was when I made the choice to “step over” into my day and focus on an attitude of gratitude that I was able to survive. Some days are just downright bad and crummy. Everyone has them. Some days the only thing to be grateful for is that the sun was shining, or we are still breathing on rainy days! But after taking time to examine things I realized that there is ALWAYS at least ONE thing to be grateful for. On my really bad days, I tried to focus on the love surrounding me. With so much support from friends and family there was no way I could ever give in. For the love and support many showed me (usually at the moments I needed it the most) I am forever grateful.
Days are not as difficult at the moment. There are “bad” ones thrown in and some days a few tears even sneak out. But when I focus on the many blessings to be grateful for, it’s not so terrible. I guess I’ve lived my worst fear, and am surviving. If I have a relapse, I know a simple step over will help. It is truly about state of mind.
I choose gratitude over fear - well, at least most days I’m able! ;)